Two Lies and a Truth, or, Mr. Vegas

After a classic Clark Griswold missed turn, going round and round on the six-lane wide roundabouts of Kampala, and after a good 30 minutes of thinking “I know it’s over in this directions somewhere” but with no idea how to actually get there since there are no right angle streets in Kampala, I decided to turn right to make it to Garden City Mall & take the kids out to pizza and just walk around.  Right turns are left turns, just so you know.  So far, no harm, no foul.  We found parking, I got out & there was a cop there waiting for me. 

“Sir, you made a wrong turn to get here.”

“Huh?  How did you get here? I made the turn a half-mile back.”

“You made a U-turn in a no-U-turn lane”

“Is there a sign informing drivers of this?  I’ve driven Kampala for years (lie) and have never been pulled over (true).  How can drivers know what is allowed and what is not allowed if there are no signs?”

“May I see your drivers license?”

“Of course.  Can’t you just give me a warning, since I was unaware of the infraction?  If this is about getting a bribe from a Muzungu, it’s not going to work.  I’d like to see your superior.”

“Yes, sir. Come with me.” (50 feet later) If you just give me some lunch money I can just give you a warning.”

“I think I want to speak to your superior”

(100 feet later & at the very roundabout I got stuck in, four cops on motorcycles).  “Hello, I seem to have been detained due to an unmarked and undetermined traffic violation.  If the intersection were adequately marked I never would have made an illegal turn (lie).  Your colleague here solicited me for a bribe, asked me to pay for his lunch and this would all go away.”

“Well, we are a developing country and we are all trying to get ahead.  Where are you from?”

“Idaho, it’s in the western U.S. in the Rocky Mountains.”

“Is it near California?”

“Well, no. Las Vegas is about ten hours away.”

“Oh yes, (three in unison) Las Vegas!  And what brings you to Uganda?”

I’m teaching at Muteesa I Royal University.”

“Oh, you are a professor?  What are you teaching?”

“I’m teaching a course on how damaging it is to the nation to have a corrupt government.”

Long pause.

“Las Vegas, eh?”

“Thank you for helping to correct our country, you know we are developing.”

“Yes, I can see that.”

“Let us just give you a warning this time. Please know that it is illegal to make a U-turn over there.”

“Thank you.”

“Enjoy Las Vegas!”